In Detroit, where Brown Bomber used to mean Joe Louis, kids patterned themselves after the reigning heavyweight champion. Louis's pictures were on cereal boxes, chewing gum cards, and lunch pails. Louis took his fame in gait. He didn't appear vain, cocky, conceited. His private life was private. He credited his manager and trainers. He wasn't humble, merely well-disposed. He never got involved in street brawls, chewed ears, or threaten to eat anyone's children. For that reason he was more popular with the masses than the President of the United States.

Joe Louis was held in both the black and white communities as a combination of George Washington and Martin Luther King. Society at large worshipped at his alter. He would have had no way of understanding Mike Tyson. Tyson is one guy Will Rogers never met. Tyson, as we all know, goes through life like he goes through his ring battles --- on the attack.

The Brown Bomber never raped anybody, punched a referee, or disgraced himself in public appearances. He simply went out and got the job done in a professional manner. He threw haymakers. Bombs. The pride of Fistiana, he had the self control of a preacher. He presented a clean image for all children, black, white, red or yellow. They looked up to him because he was courteous, civilized, dignified. He didn't court the press but he obliged it. Gently. They made a movie about his life.

In the ring he was dynamite. His fights were as one-sided as a lynching. To interview, I found him bland. Apple pie nice, but uninteresting, sort of. Nice smile. If you didn't follow boxing you would have mistaken him for a loan officer. He got in trouble once with the government because he fell behind in his income taxes. Never mind that he had donated millions to Army and Navy relief funds by fighting free during W.W.II. Easy to hate, the IRS treated him like a Rangoon beggar instead of a National Shrine, which is what he was. Louis shrugged it off. "I love my country," he said. That's why the fans never really forgave Rocky Marciano for knocking out an aging Joe Louis. They never really forgave Larry Holmes for whipping Muhammad Ali. Public sentiment was against Sandy Saddler for beating Willie Pep. It's a curious factor that boxing fans worship their heroes with the same devotion Elizabeth Taylor holds for diamonds.

Lennox Lewis doesn't have to worry about hate mail if he pounds Mike Tyson to a pulp, to where he would be crawling with cascades of blood dripping down his face to safety. Americans, as well as Brits would want to see Lennox administer the quietus to Iron Mike. A guy who would cheer for Mike Tyson in this fight would scratch matches on the Mona Lisa. Send get well cards to a hypochondriac. Sure there are people who still worship the ground Tyson crawled out of. But these are the type of people who are against Motherhood, John Wayne, the Fourth of July - the whole American concept. They sit through "The Texas Chain Massacre" -- twice. If Lennox should knock Tyson cold he would be featured on the David Letterman Show. Be interviewed by Larry King. Sit in on dozens of talk shows. Speak at more banquets than Henny Youngman. More accurately, he might achieve the fame of Elian Gonzalez -- which would be quite an achievement.

Lennox should himself praise Allah and thank Mike Tyson for being the beast and vampire that he is. Suffice it to say, they both stand to make the biggest gate ever created in boxing history. "I'm Sonny Liston. I'm Jack Dempsey, there's nobody like me," Tyson told the television cameras. "I'm from their cloth. There's nobody that can beat me. My style is impetuous, my defense is impregnable and I'm ferocious."

Get an exorcist. That anserine statement is the work of the devil. More worthy of a jailhouse bully or TV wrestling than a professional prizefighter. It shows disrespect for two men who defeated him, namely Buster Douglas and Evender Holyfield. Lord, did they whip him!

It is doubtful that Lewis is threatened by Tyson's foretelling to "Eat your children," since Lennox has no children. Neither is the Brit intimidated by Tyson's threat to rip his heart out and feed it to him. But he should be. You should always be leery of a tantrum-throwing, self-indulgent semi-sociopath who misbehaves in the ring and gets into more trouble than a keyhole reporter could wish for. Guys with Tyson's mentality pull wings off butterflies. Kicks dogs. Ties tincans to a cat. Corresponds with Hannibal Lecter. As for the Savarese fight - two monkeys playing golf would have been more exciting. It was the most lopsided contest since Russia vs Finland. The biggest mismatch since Mickey Rooney and Ava Gardner. The bull had a bad temper and he hadn't eaten all week. Tyson's trainer yelled "Go get him!" and Lou Savarese felt as if he had fallen into a washing machine. The bull was still trying to get at him even as the referee stepped in between them. So the bull gored the referee.

Said former champion Jim Watt: "Tyson has brought shame on boxing once again. Tyson is not a sportsman, he's a devil. They have to take away his license." In your dreams, Mr. Watt. Barry McGuigan echoed: "Tyson is an out of control guy, he should have been disqualified. He has complete contempt for authority." Amen.

And did you catch promoter Frank Warren's comments that talk about his ribs being broken, or that he received a black eye from Tyson was rubbish? This guy evaded questions better than Frank Costello before a Senate investigating subcommittee. Asked if he would promote Tyson again, he said: "I've got to sit down and have a long think about that." It's inconceivable. You picture the captain having second thoughts whether to go down with his ship. As for Lou Savarese -- move over Don King - Lou is the new master of skullduggery. The superstar of shoplifters. A diamond switch expert. The thief examined the stone and, when the salesperson's attention was distracted, he substituted a worthless stone for the genuine article. The thief then made a hasty exit before the switch was discovered. $650,000 for 38 seconds work should qualify him as the consummate public enemy. The biggest heistman since Charles Ponzi. I mean, the guy fought like he was double-parked. He only stays long enough to prove he's been there. Think about this: Referee John Coyle, at age 67, took a Tyson shot and got up. Saverese, to the dismay of 40,000 Hamton Park patrons and millions of Showtime TV viewers, folded like a cheap suitcase at the first punch. The looting of the art treasures of Europe by the Nazis never went off as smoothly. The S&L swindles.

As crimes go, Saverese's heist made Dillinger's "wooden gun" breakout from "escape proof" Crown Point jail look like a Sunday school picnic. Judy took a better punch. Mike Weaver. Tyson could have phoned in his knockout. Booooo! I want a refund! Saverese slickered the boxing fans and promoters as surely as any embezzler who hopped a flight to Western Samoa with the bank's receipts. Yellow Kid Weil would have stood by open-mouthed with admiration. Come now, can you, in your wildest imagination, visualize Joe Louis, Jack Johnson, Muhammad Ali, Larry Holmes, or any of the other great black heavyweight champions acting in the unprofessional manner that Mike Tyson portrayed during and after the Savarese antic? Get real. You have to wonder if this guy's elevator goes all the way to the top floor. We know you don't get fighters out of a monastery, but an insane asylum ? Why do we keep forgiving this guy for his criminal behavior? His arrogant disregard for the rules of common behavior? He doesn't have to be a role model, but he doesn't have be Liver Eatin' Johnson, either. If you see a guy standing on a corner eating a human heart it might be Mike Tyson. Give him a wide berth. It's safer walking girders 80 stories up.

There was a column in the paper the other day that said Mike Tyson got $8 million for 38 seconds work against Savarese. He shouldn't be throwing explosives at these suckers who paid him. He should be down on his knees thanking them, instead of Allah, who probably doesn't like him anyway. I cringe to think of what Tyson would be doing for a living if it weren't for boxing. Child psychologist is definitely out. Behavioral Scientist, nah. Chased by bloodhounds? Definitely a possibility.

After registering his 42nd knockout of his 52- fight career, Tyson demanded a shot at Lennox Lewis: "I'm the best ever. I'm the most brutal, vicious and ruthless champion that there's ever been. There's no one can stop me. Lennox ----I'm coming for you!" In the next breath Tyson said, "I'm not ready for him right now, but when the time comes he's no match for me."

This was the Cisco Kid trying to stay alive for 14 more chapters. Mussolini's Army looking for a place to hide. It makes about as much sense as a fence around a cemetery. Mike, call the Missing Persons Bureau. They might help you find yourself.

My fellow hostages, you don't have to go to a funny movie tonight to laugh out loud. Just watch Tyson's kilted dance on top of a Mercedes, or listen to his corny "I enjoy hurting people. I like it a lot."

Or is the Baddest Man on the Planet faking it ? Glenn McGrory, former cruiserweight champion, thinks so. "It's what people want to see, the bad guy image," he said. "Mike plays along because he knows it will sell tickets." Whewwwww! What a relief. For a moment there I thought we'd have to drive a stake through Iron Mike's heart while he slept. Or shoot him with a silver bullet. *********

A Bit About Bill Kelly