As I'm wandering around my local, friendly casino, I often see a lot of people playing at Video Poker games on which they have little, if any, chance of making any $$$. Sure, they might hit a Royal or 5 of a kind, but the reality is that the vast majority of them are going to lose. "Yes, but", I hear you saying, "if everybody won, there wouldn't be any casinos". Quite true. But, if players will simply refuse to commit any $$$ to bad games, do you think the casinos are going to leave those machines alone? Heck, no. If a machine doesn't draw any action, it'll get tossed out on its ear. Believe me, most casinos would much rather get 16 hours of play per day on a machine where they have only a 1% edge than just 1 or 2 hours of play on a machine where they have a 5% edge. They'll make more $$$, more customers will have a chance to win and everyone will be happier. So, you've got to do your bit for this effort and that begins with avoiding 'lousy' machines.

I know that a lot of you go to the casinos on the weekend when it's very busy and you're itchy to play, so you'll sit at almost any game which has an open seat. Listen to the Master, grasshopper, you're playing right into their hands. If you were to go to the casino at 9 A.M. on Monday, you'd see that most of the low-pay machines are idle. It's not because those of us who can go during the week are any smarter, but it's because of what I call the "intuition" factor. People may not know which is better from a payout point of view, a 9/6 Jacks game (99.5% return) or a 9/6/4 Double Bonus game (96.4% return), but their experience at trying both gives them an 'intuitive' feeling that the Double Bonus game is a vacuum cleaner when compared to the Jacks game. So, that machine sits idle until the casino gets crowded and some gambler who just wants the action sits down. I've often stated on these pages that a casino isn't a test of your skill or your luck; it's a test of your discipline. It takes discipline to win and, while I realize that gamblers, by definition, want something for nothing, I like to think that you're here because you're looking for ways to do better during your trips to casinos. I don't have any magic bullets for you, Dear Reader, but this tip is as easy as it gets: don't play low-pay games. Period.

Okay, the sermon's over. Just what are the 'bad' machines; you have to know that in order to avoid them, right? It's not an easy task to list them because of the bewildering selection of games out there and it's virtually impossible for anyone to memorize all the different pay schedules. But there are some key indicators that will help you. Before I get into that, let me reinforce a concept which many 'casual' Video Poker players don't seem to know. Video Poker machines are not like slots when it comes to "hot" and "cold" machines. Just because a Video Poker machine hit a 'big' hand, it doesn't mean that it will now be 'tight' in order to make up the $$$ it just spewed out. The VP games available in most gaming jurisdictions like Las Vegas, Reno, Atlantic City, Mississippi, Illinois, etc. are based upon the random dealing of the deck. Your chances of getting a Royal Flush at one of these games is roughly 1 in 40,000 and, even though it may have just hit a Royal, on the very next deal the odds are exactly the same 1 in 40,000. Sure, VP machines will seem like they're 'hot' - you'll get a ton of winning hands, then hit a cold spell, but that's just the natural streakiness of the game and those streaks can be identified only after the fact, not before. If the pay schedule is the same, then playing one machine is no different than playing another. The analogy I like to use is this If you were sitting at your kitchen table dealing out cards to yourself and the deck you were using had a red back, what difference would it make if you switched to a different deck that had a blue back? As long as the same cards are in that second deck, your results would be the same.

Okay, so now you won't play a machine based upon some false assumption that it's "hot". You'll now play only because the pay schedule tells you that it's a good machine, right? And, you won't play if the pay schedule says it's a lousy machine; agreed? The key indicators for many of these machines (especially those with no 'wild' cards) is the payout on the Full House and the Flush. As a general rule, if the game has a payout of less than 9 on the Full House AND 6 on the Flush, it's not a game you should be playing. That applies to what are essentially variations of the ubiquitous Jacks or Better game and includes Bonus Poker, Double Bonus Poker, Double Double Bonus Poker, and Bonus Poker Deluxe. So, if you see a Jacks or Better game with an 8/5 pay schedule, don't play it because the long-term payback is only 97.3%. Bonus Poker (pays 400 for quad Aces) isn't terrible with its 8/5 schedule paying 99.1% long-term, but it ain't great, either. Bonus Poker Deluxe (identified by its 400 for 5 pay on any four-of-a-kind) carries an 8/6 FH/Flush pay and its long-term payout is just 98.5%. All those "double-this, double-double that" games are very confusing (see a pattern here?). But it's actually pretty easy to sort them out. If the Full House AND Flush are less than 9/6, their long-term return is under 100%. The best of the bunch is Double Double Jackpot and it pays a 9 on the Full House, 6 on the Flush and 5 on the straight; in that format, it returns 100.35%. (This is the game which pays 250 on four 2s-10s and uses other face cards for 'kicker' bonuses.) In the Midwest, Double Double Jackpot is typically found in an 8/5 format which is worth 98.20%. Again, that proves the rule: if it's less than 9/6, don't play it.

So, if you find a game where it's more than 9/6, is it worth playing? Yes and no. All American pays 8 on a Full House and 8 on a Flush (I've never seen any other formats) and it's a great game that pays 100.7% long-term, as long as the 4K pays at least 200 and the Straight Flush pays 1000. Double Bonus Poker (pays 800 for quad Aces) returns 99.1% in a 9/7 format, IF the Straight pays 5 for 1 but bear in mind that some casinos use this as a 'fooler'. It looks pretty good in a 9/6/4 pay schedule, but the two-pair pay only 1 for 1, instead of the 2 for 1 of a regular Jacks game. So, watch out for that because a 9/6/4 Double Bonus game pays just 96.4% long-term; it has to be 10/7/5 to be 'full-pay' (100.15%). Another game floating around out there is Bonus Full House (Full House Bonus?) which is also called "Nevada Aces". It's identified by a higher-than-normal pay on the Full House (usually 12 for 1) and a 1000 for 5 on the quad Aces. In a 'full-pay' version, it's a 12/8 format and returns 99.3% because they cut the Two-Pair to 1 for 1. Not bad, admittedly, but not great. Another one is "Super Aces" which is characterized by a 2000-coin pay on quad Aces. It's in an 8/5 format and (surprise!), it returns 99.8%. Triple Bonus Poker exists in two forms: those which pay for a pair of Jacks or better and those which pay for only Kings or better. Forget the Kings+ game, but if you find the Jacks or better version in a 9/6 format, it returns just over 100%. Here again, the "9/6" rule applies. This game is characterized by a 1200 pay on quad Aces, 600 on quad 2s,3s or 4s and 375 for 5 on four 5-K. The Straight pay is 4 for 1.

When it comes to games with wild cards, like Deuces, Joker Poker, etc. there are no hard and fast indicators like the 9/6 on the Jacks and their variations. But, there aren't as many of these out there, either. First, at least regarding Deuces, I'm not aware of any full-pay versions outside of Las Vegas. Some probably exist, so if you're in doubt, just e-mail the entire pay schedule to me and I'll get back to you with its long-term return. Regarding games with single Jokers, the pay which is most often cut is the Four-of-a-Kind. If that's below 100, start thinking that this is a 'short-pay' version. But even if the 4K pays 100, the Full House should be 7 and it should pay for a pair of Kings or better, not just a pair of Aces or better. That said, there are single-Joker games which pay only for two-pair or higher. These almost never pay over 100%. I am not aware of any Joker games in Atlantic City which pay over 100%, but Pick 'Em poker - a non-wild card game - returns 99.95% for expert play and that's available there and a lot of other places, besides.

I know there's a lot more games out there which I haven't covered, and I have to add that some of these 'short-pay' games can offer a return of over 100% when they have progressive Royals and 4Ks, etc. so please feel free to e-mail me with the full pay schedule of any that catch your attention and I'll get back to you with an analysis, pronto. Please tell your VP-playing friends about this article and let's all start playing smart, okay?

See you here next time.

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