I've been writing a lot about Deuces Wild games lately and, I suppose, it's because we've always had lousy games here and it's only lately that a few halfway-decent Deuces machines have shown up. What I'm referring to are the "Loose Deuces" games that have become available here and, while they're all "short-pay" versions, at least they offer a 100+% return on multiple slot club bonus days.

But I also like the Loose Deuces games for that juicy 2500 for 5 payout on Four Deuces. When using proper play at the game, the "ducks" will show up once every 4664 hands, on average at the 15/8 version of the game, which has a long-term return of 100.15%. The problem is that almost 11% of the return comes from the quad Deuces, so if they don't show, you lose like crazy.

In spite of that, the frequency of the four Deuces is very appealing, especially when you consider that they are proportional in the pay schedule. That means they pay 500 for 1 coin bet, 1000 for 2 coins bet and so forth. That got me thinking. (Yes, I know it can sometimes be a dangerous thing.) If four Deuces will show up, on average, once every 4700 hands or so, that's about 8 times more frequently than a Royal Flush and, if one is betting 2 coins at a dollar game, they're worth the same $1000 as the typical Royal at a quarter game. Admittedly, you're betting more, $2 per hand versus $1.25 per hand, but it's not a lot more and, if the VP gods are on your side, you'll get it 8 times as often!

It all sounded good to me and I also knew I could modify the proper playing strategy to hasten the arrival of the four Deuces a bit. This is like always playing for the Royal, by breaking pairs, etc. to draw to three-card Royals. It carries a cost, especially if you make stupid plays, but it will definitely get you a Royal more quickly. The problem is that the Royal will not offset the additional losses you're incurring, unless it comes early on in the process. In other words, even though you're "hastening" the chance to get a hand like a Royal or four Deuces, it doesn't guarantee that is what's going to happen. So there you are, tossing away pretty good hands, in anticipation of getting a really good hand and it doesn't show up as quickly as you thought. That can add up to some pretty stiff losses. Oh, sure, you'll eventually hit that "target" hand but whatever it pays may not offset what you've given up, so all you've accomplished is to lower the expected return of the game you're playing.

But, as the old saying goes: "What are friends for, if you can't use them now and then?" (Just kidding, dear friends.) However, I was supposed to meet one of my pals to have dinner and play a little VP at a local casino that just happened to have Loose Deuces games in the dollar denomination, so I thought I'd run this idea by him. My thought was to bet just $1 per hand and try to get $500 for the quad Deuces, but to risk no more than $100 in the process. In preparation for this "grand experiment", I used that fabulous software that I've recommended many times, Video Poker Strategy Master by TomSki (it's available at www.zamzone.com for only $29.95 and worth every penny) and then modified the strategy to go after the four Deuces more aggressively by evaluating certain hands with "Bob Dancer Presents Win Poker", which is also available at www.zamzone.com and is also indispensable, in my not-so-humble opinion.

Here's what my strategy chart looks like:

Special Deuces Strategy

No Deuces

Hold any hand of trips or better, or:
4-card Royal
4-card outside Straight Flush
3-card Royal
4-card inside Straight Flush
One pair
4-card Flush
4-card Straight
3-card open-ended Straight Flush (5,6,7, etc.)
4-card inside Straight
Dump 'em all

One Deuce

Hold any hand of trips or better, or:
4-card Straight Flush (both types)
3-card Royal, King High (like 2,TK suited)
Deuce Only

Two Deuces

Hold any hand of 4 of a kind or better, or:
4-card Wild Royal
Deuces only

Three or Four Deuces

Break any hand to draw to the 3 Deuces
(Even a Wild Royal)
Smile if you get 4 Deuces

15/8 = 98.96% w/250 Royal per coin
12/8 = 98.00% w/250 Royal per coin

You need to remember that the Royal Pays only 250 for 1 and you can see what happens to the total payout when you bet less than 5 coins per hand. Let me explain the chart a bit. Look at the area, "One Deuce", which means the hand you have been dealt contains only one Deuce. If the hand is composed of three-of-a-kind or better, you hold the trips and draw. If it were a flush or a full house, you'd hold all five cards. If the hand is not trips or better, then hold any 4-card straight flushes, whether they're open on both ends, or are an inside draw. But, if you don't have any of those, then hold a three-card Royal, which is composed of a Deuce and suited 10s, Jacks, Queens or Kings. If one of the cards is an Ace, then you wouldn't hold it with a Deuce and another suited "court" card, like a Jack or Queen. The proper play if an Ace is involved is to hold just the Deuce. Without any of these choices, you should hold only the one Deuce, draw and pray.

This strategy is by no means perfect and should never, ever be used to play the game in a "regular" sense. It's only for going after the four Deuces, while recognizing that you're giving up some long-term return in exchange for trying to get them more often. What I tried to do with this was find some sort of compromise to give myself enough "intermediate" payoffs to stay alive until the ducks come waddling in. Of course, you'd get the four Deuces much more quickly if you were to hold only the Deuces you were dealt and discard any and all hands that didn't contain one. My strategy fits somewhere in between the extremes of playing perfectly (which will get you the Deuces in about 4700 hands of play) and playing for the Deuces only, which would get them about (and I'm guessing here, because I'm too lazy to do the math) once every 3500 hands, but at a big cost.

So, how does it work? Well, my friend decided to bet $2 per hand, which would give him $1000 if he hit the four Deuces. He hit them twice that night and never used more than his original $100. I lost $400 in the attempt. I told another friend about this and she hit them twice for a $1700 profit. She told a friend about this and she hit them for $3500!!

Me? I just keep losing and after playing almost 12,000 hands, haven't hit 'em yet. But I know they'll come…eventually. I hope.

See you here next time.