The e-mail I got last week was from a reader who has never been to Las Vegas. Did you hear me, he's NEVER been to Las Vegas. Living in St.Louis there are gambling boats, so he has been on a live game and played slot machines before, so at least I don't have to explain all the games to him only to have him turn and say "huh?" So I told him I would write this column just for him and the few others that haven't been here before. There is so much to do, so much to see, and with all the shows on cable about Las Vegas many people that haven't been here before still know something about the town. But he hadn't, so this is a little reminder of what's still here, what's new and what's getting old.

He asked some direct questions that could be answered easily. The first was "What hotel should I stay at?" This was a good question since the diversity of casinos and price ranges and accessibility is all different. If you've never been here before you definitely want to stay on the Strip. Not next to it like the Rio or Palms, but right on Las Vegas Blvd. The price range can be as low as the $50's-$70's dollar range which are the smaller ones on the northern Strip like the Sahara and Stratosphere, Circus Circus, the Westward Ho. These places are a little older but kept up just fine and offer almost as good a room as the more expensive ones near Flamingo Blvd. On the southern Strip there are a few motels across from Mandalay Bay but the only one I would recomend is the Klondike Inn. It's an older motel behind the Klondike Casino with great values and the Klondike is a small friendly place that's been here for years with good and cheap food in the coffee shop that's open 24. Also these hotels offer smaller limits in the casinos. This is where you'll find the old $2 games. The Westward Ho, Slots-A-Fun, Circus Circus, Sahara (which still offers a $1 game), these all offer smaller limits and more comfortable surroundings that places like Mirage or Venetian etc. the dealers are nicer, the players are more comfortable and a little looser and the food deals are great. But if you want the best it'll cost ya. The "A" casinos can set you back as little as $90-$120 a night on the weekdays and another $50 a night on the weekends and expect the $200 to $300 range and up for places like Bellagio, Venetian, Caesars Palace, so get those package deals before you leave. The best deals down there will be places like the Imperial Palace, the Flamingo, Barbary Coast and a few other casinos on the east side of the Strip.

So let's talk about the food. The restaurants from Wynn LV down to Mandalay Bay is going to be expensive. There are a few exceptions which are O'Sheas next to the Flamingo that has a mini food court with chinese food and Subway's and Burger King. The Casino Royale has a nice restaurant upstairs that's pretty good too. The Boardwalk Holiday Inn next to the Monte Carlo has a good buffet and it's under $10. But the "A" hotels like Caesars, Venetian, Mirage,Wynn, etc. are all going to offer top name restaurants with top name chefs which offer some of the best food in the world, literally. With Emeril Lagassi and Wolfgang Puck and Bobby Fley, and everyone you see on the food channel are all here. A restaurant like Puck's Spago in Caesars Forum Shops Mall will run around $25 per person for lunch with a cocktail which isn't bad if you want to taste good food but don't come really hungry because the portions are small. For buffets which made eating in Vegas famous are going to set you back more than ever.

Most buffets have raised their prices numerous times and are as high as $25 per person for places like the Paris and Bally's but the food's exceptional. The average buffet will run around $16 but the farther north you go the lower the prices. The Sahara offers a dinner buffet for $7.95 and it's really good. The Stratosphere, Circus Circus, Riviera, Stardust all have buffets around $10-$15 and if you want to travel you have to go downtown and check out Main St. Station's famous seafood buffet for $10 or you can do the Rio's seafood buffet which is the best for $30, take your pick. But besides buffets what if you just want to grab something to eat? Again you need to head north. The Westward Ho has one of the better small deli's with a ¾ pound hotdog for $1.50 and it's all meat (I'm from Chicago and I like them!) you can get a big strawberry shortcake for the same price and a rack of ribs for $3.50 or head next door to Slots-A-Fun for more selections at the same price, then wash it down with a $1 beer still selling at Slots-A-Fun. As far as the old shrimp cocktail deals and real cocktail deals those places also offer $1 mixed drinks as well as Marguaritas for a buck or head downtown for the best shrimp cocktail still in town at the Golden Gate on Fremont St. which still has a 99 cent shrimp cocktail and a great little deli with a good pastrami deli. And speaking of downtown, this is the only thing I can say. The downtown area is still great. The room prices are cheap, the food is good and much cheaper than on the Strip but if you've never been to Las Vegas before keep the downtown area in mind but spend the extra bucks to be on the Strip.

Freebies, the big question... Here's the thing that's happened in Vegas. With the invention of the slot clubs, every casino has gone that way and if you ever want to ask for a comp again you'll need to get a tracking card. This way they can look up in the computer exactly how much you've played, how long you played, and on what games you bet on. So if you want to tell them you dropped a grand they're going to see you've been playing the penny slots for twenty minutes so they'll comp accordingly. But if you just walk to the tables or machines and deal in cash and then ask for a comp your only choice is to make sure the floorman knows how much you're buying in for and if it's under $100 he or she doesn't even want to hear it and will just ask you for your card and if you don't have one it's the excuse they use to not give you a comp. They'll just say "sorry sir, but you need a card to get a comp, or that you don't have enough points on the card you have which is accumulated by playing, so get yourself a card before you ask. The average for comps is at least a couple hours of play at the max bet on the machines and at least a hundred bucks on the table games.

But if you're staying at the Venetian don't expect a free room after dropping a $20 on a poker machine. This is going to cost you. If you're going to gamble a good deal of money that's fine, then after four or five hours of $50-$100 bets might get you a room but they'll probably tell you to play another couple of hours longer if it's a weekend so you're better off just paying for the room or better yet if you're not going to be in the room very long then get a cheaper room and either make the walk or take either the city bus for a buck which runs up and down the Strip 24, there's the trolly that runs around the casinos for $2 that'll take you from Caesars to the MGM or wherever. Then the casinos that own other casinos offer free rides. You can take a free shuttle from Harrahs to the Rio, or the Barbary Coast will run you to the Gold Coast or the Orleans for free too. The monorail's running for a couple dollars and that's a new attraction that'll run you around the casinos too but that's located at Paradise Rd. Then at Bally's there's a free shuttle to the MGM and Bellagio will take you to the Monte Carlo, the Luxor to the Excalibur, the Mirage to the Treasure Island so you really don't have to just walk everywhere. And don't forget your freebie books. Most hotels still offer freebie books or fun books. These will offer you everything from free hotdogs or cocktails to match play bets on the tables and lots of other things so ask when you check in if there's a fun book offer.

The question was "What is a high roller or a whale or what?" The simple answer is don't worry, you'll never be there. A high roller is anyone that's willing to lock up $10,000 in the cage over a two or three day weekend, it doesn't mean you have to lose that much though. A whale is the million dollar prize. Anyone beaches a whale has a job for life if he can get someone to book a million dollars in the cage and these guys get treatment I've only seen in the movies. This includes a $10,000 a night free room or a 24 hr. butler with a masseuse ready at your command and who knows what else. But you'll rarely see these players anyway since most hotels that will book those kind of bets also have private gambling rooms that we'll never see. But if you go into Caesars Palace and want a peek go up the winding staircase by the restaurants and the elevators and next to the gourmet restaurant is the really high roller salon with plush seats and silver service, like I said, don't worry about it.

OK let's look at the nightlife. Obviously everyone knows that this is a 24 hour town and there's entertainment in one form or another waiting for you everywhere you go. There's the lounges that have made a comeback with some good bands. Most hotels offer a free band somewhere in the casino. Shows usually start around 8pm and go until 4am. The bars aren't cheap, you'll pay around $5 a drink but the bands are worth it and yes you can get up and dance anywhere you want. The bands that play at one casino will work their way around to the other casinos so if you had a favorite band they're probably playing somewhere. There's an entertainment guide at all hotels for the entire Strip. When you check in either ask for it or it'll be in your room. Try the Luxor lounge or the Excalibur has some great bands, but no matter where you stay there will be some form of live entertainment in that casino. The shows are another topic. Most shows will empty your pockets. I mean at least $120 + to see anything from Jerry Seinfeld to Celeon Dion or concerts. Some other shows are a little cheaper but nothing under $65 unless you want to catch the smaller shows at places like the Sahara that has the Amazing Johnathan show or Lance Burton shows for around $35+ .

But there are a few free shows left. The Rio still has the show in the Sky that runs every hour or so, the Bellagio's dancing fountains are great and you can stand there for hours, a very romantic setting and watch the waters or head to the little shows like Caesars Forum shops have animated shows, the Volcano, the T.I. has the pirate ship show which has changed to include scantily clad women. On Fremont St. you can see the great light show over the street and if you want to have a great experience head to the Plaza's Center Stage Restaurant for really good food at a great price that overlooks the entire Fremont St.and sits just under the canopy and the restaurants ceiling is glass so when the show comes on the restaurant lights will dim for a better view while speakers play the music. But my favorite since I came in '81 is the Peppermill Restaurant across the street from the Stardust. This place has the BEST place to take a date late at night. The front has the 24 hr.restaurant but the back has a water fire place, a well of water that bubbles with gas that lights for the fireplace and sitting there listening to the bubbles and watching the flames, you and your date will never forget the experience and only tell your best friends because it's a little known place that mostly locals that have been here forever still know about. Go there after the noise settles down around 2am.

What about the nightclubs? First before we talk about anything don't even bother to go if you're not dressed. I'm talking about button down shirts, leather shoes, cloth pants, no jeans unless you're a girl. If you show up with your buddies you're going to have a tough time getting in too since they're looking for WOMEN. That's right, it'll cost you $10 or $20 to walk into any decent nightclub but the girls go free so that'll save you some if you go with your girlfriend or wife but the noise is deafening, the strobe lights will drive you nuts after a while and the drinks will run $7.50 and up but they're a hell of a lot of fun. The Ra at the Luxor is the #1 spot these days followed by 54 at the MGM and of course the Rio which offers a nightclub, a restaurant and bar on the roof overlooking the entire Strip if you're dressed nice and across the street the Palms have some good nightclubs. Don't think just because you're in Vegas that you're just going to pick up some girl and get laid, guys keep your shit together. That means don't get too drunk, keep your drinking to a sipping level since the drinks are big and strong and expensive anyways. The bouncers don't take any shit and will throw you out no matter what excuse you give them so don't think you can say "But dude, listen, I didn't do anything..." doesn't fly. If a girl says no that still means NO if you're at home or in Vegas so don't think it's just a lose town for everyone, respect people like you would if you were at home.

If you want to see naked women there's too many to list. Try the club across from the Hard Rock or Olympic Gardens just across from the Stratosphere. On Industrial Dr. you'll find high class places like Saphires or low class places like the Can Can room or Crazy Horse 2 but there's entrance fees usually at $10 and up and the girls will cost you around $20 for a lap dance, but some of them offer specials during the day if you can't wait, and don't forget to get plenty of dollar bills if you're going to do it right. No you can't touch them and they won't touch you so don't even try unless they tell you first. The only exception is when you tip them, some will let you put the dollar in their g-strings but if you don't see someone else do it then just hand it to them, they'll love you forever, or at least until the dollers are gone. Hookers was another question. Prostitution is still legal in Nevada, the only state in the United States but NOT IN VEGAS. Las Vegas is in Clark County which is the only county in Nevada that doesn't allow prostitution so you'll have to make arrangements by calling places like the Chicken Ranch in Pahrump. This is a 1 ½ hr. drive by car and if you call they'll tell you how to come out. You'll have to book a cab and pay up front but there's usually some deal they'll make for you on the cab ride and their better customers get a limo ride or what I used to do years ago was to fly them out there. If you have a pilots lisence you can rent a plane at McCarren's Hugh's field Center and fly to the Chicken Ranch's private runway complete with pilot controlled lighting on the runway after a checkout. I've been there flying and sat in the bar while my customers went with the girls so all I can tell you is they'll give you a "menu" when you get there and the prices are negotiable and don't be embarassed if your old or overweight or whatever, the girls are actually real people that are understanding and have dealt with everything, it's almost like taking your cloths off for the lady doctor that'll screw your brains out, so I can't tell you prices but bring a few hundred bucks to make sure you're not caught SHORT!!

This is a sore subject in this town since just about EVEYONE LIVES ON TIPS. So don't be cheap and don't say you didn't expect it. Here's the deal. If you have a drink at a bar or a comp drink at a table or machine give them a dollar, period. Everything within reason is a dollar or two tip, so if you have a drink for a buck then you have to give the valet $2 for the car and $5 minimum for the bellboy if you need one. For the dealers it's up to you but a doller is the minimum tip for anyone in Las Vegas, so don't keep the quarters for that. If you're playing under $25 then give a dollar with a win, if you're at $50 to $100 then give them a $5 chip for a toke. It won't make much differnce to you and it's part of the experience anyways and the dealers and cocktail waitresses and bartenders and all of us really appreciate each and every dollar tip but don't be cheap. There was a family of Roulette cheaters in town last year that came in from Europe. They played a few casinos over and over and were cleaning the casinos out without them ever catching the cheats, but they never tipped. After they came back the third time to the same casino the dealers had it with them. They were winning tens of thousands of dollars and never tipped and when the dealers finally alerted the shift boss he took a look. After watching for a few minutes he spotted the moves and within three or four spins they were in handcuffs and are still sitting in jail in Indian Springs 90 miles north of Vegas only because they didn't tip. Besides, the dealers and waitresses and everyone that you tip will treat you better. The dealers will be much more friendly with their tippers called Georges after the face on a dollar bill, the drinks will be a little stronger or the food a little better so that dollar goes a long way so DON'T BE AFRAID TO TIP!! besides that's how we all make a living out here without exaturation..

So what kind of money do you guys make? Well it's simple. The daalers at most all the casinos get paid minimum wage or a little more. But most make $50 a shift for an 8 hour shift which is nothing so without the tips we'd all be broke and goddamn it if you give the dealer at the Bellagio a buck don't think you should give the dealer at Slots-A-Fun 50cents. The cocktail waitresses get a little more but not much and I don't care how pretty or not they are, they all work very hard. Cocktailing looks so easy, just drop off a drink and pick up a buck, but they have to carry all those drinks and they expect you to haul a full tray everytime out and some girls even put cardboard on top of the drinks and go for a second story, then they have to bring the right drinks to the right tables, then to the right players so when she shows up don't expect her to remember your drink so tell her when she gets there what drink is yours so you don't waste her time, those drinks get heavy and they're only carrying them around in one arm and delivering, picking up empties, cleaning ashtrays with the other so hand them the empties if they're picking them up at the time and get out of her way when she needs to get to the layout to clean your messes up and always put your drinks in the drink holders so you don't spill on the tables which is very embarassing. I've always given cocktail waitresses at least $2 per round since they're free (thanks to Benny Binion) and to have a drink brought to you rather than walking to the bar is worth two bucks and the next round will come faster and faster so don't scrimp to save a buck, just let it go.

And finally what's right and wrong? First, it is legeal to walk around with open containers anywhere in Las Vegas, but I'll tell you that if you're walking down the street don't get too drunk or act stupid or anything because the cops will haul you in for public intoxication. Don't scream and shout too loud or jump into the street at the cars. When betting, set your bet and let the dealers do the rest, don't touch the bet or the dealers or get too rowdy or loud on the games because if you're just a nickle bettor they're not going to put up with your shit so don't bring it here. The jails are full of weekenders that just wanted to have some fun and expect to get away with anything since they're in Las Vegas, famous last words in jail are "Hey, I thought that everything that happens in Vegas stays in Vegas?" Which is true and if you get too drunk or out of line you'll stay in Vegas indefinitely and the county jail is a nightmare. We're talking one big room for a hundred drunks that'll be there for at least 48 hours and a big fine at the very least and the bologna sandwiches aren't all that tasty so don't get the hell arrested and drinking is the biggest reason for the lockups, that's why I'm telling all you drinkers to SIP YOUR DRINKS. The heat in summer combined with just a little alcohol will send your body on the fritz and without proper eating and hydration you're going to pay the price of a bad hangover, expecially since most drinkers try many different drinks in a night with all the specials offered at the bars and happy hour's no favor either. There's martini bars and marguarita bars and daquiri bars everywhere and they're all pretty colors and stuff but they do have alcohol in them so don't just order the blue drink here and rhe red drink there, it's all booze. And drink a lot of water when you get here. It's only 6-12% humidity and your body will soak up water like a sponge in winter or summer and believe me you'll feel it if you don't and will pay the price of having an upset stomach the whole time as well as your body reaction to the lack of water so drink plenty and often.

Then when you're ready to go you do have to be out of the rooms by`noon in most places but a phone call to the desk can usually buy you an extra hour. You can check your bags at most bell desks if you're not leaving until evening and want to mess around without worrying about your stuff but give them like $10 or $20 for peace of mind if you have more than one or two bags. The cabs will run you just under $10 to the airport if they don't take the tunnel and NEVER TAKE THE TUNNEL, if you do it'll cost you an extra $5 to the Strip and with the tip you'll spend almost $20 to cab it to and from the airport so ask the desk about the airport shuttle for $3.50, that's the way to go and all the hotels offer the shuttle. Just make sure you get to McCarren at least an hour before the flight since it's not a small airport at all anymore and will take time to figure out what's where. The new D gate area they spent millions to build is now open and takes a monorail ride to get there so get to the airport early. Besides I think you'll like what you see there. There are slot machines everywhere if you want to play while waiting for the plane, there are great restaurants all fast and not expensive and lots of small shops and Vegas stuff if you forgot the t-shirt for your friends or need a book at the bookstore, so get to the airport early and look around at the art and sculptures all over the airport. Then when you come in some of the casinos offer free limos to their hotels if you have reservations already made, or some of the hotels have check in keosks at the airport where you can actually pay and get the room and keys before you leave the airport, then you can check out there too, but they'll arrange everything you need as long as you're staying there.

But above all just have a great time. There's nothing about Las Vegas that you'll find anywhere else. The hotels are everything you see on TV and more. The first time you see them it'll take your breath away and all you'll say is WOW! If you don't see anything else at least stand on the corner of Las Vegas Boulevard at night while the dancing waters coupled with the great songs they dance to play at Bellagio, the Paris hotel's Eiffel Tower across the street, Caesars and Ballys on the corner and tell me you're not tingling....Welcome to my town...

-Ken Pearlman