There are three types of blackjack players, the ones who know what they're doing, the ones who think they know what they're doing, and everyone else who not only don't have a goddamn clue what they're doing, but have a difficult time managing anything but lighting a cigarette, slug down a cheap drink they can never get fast enough, and breathing out, then remembering to breath in just afterwards. (Sounds like a typical White Sox fan huh?)

Blackjack is the only game that requires us to depend on other players to team up to beat the house.

On Craps you can bet the do or the don't, bet with the dice or against them. You can bet on your fellow crap players or hope they fall on their asses while you fan out your wad of hundred dollar bills while stepping over their broken bodies.

On Roulette there's 38 numbers and it's everyone for themselves. Poker is the same way; you're on your own against the house or other players depending on the game. But in Blackjack, each position affects the outcome of the match. And no matter what you think, the first position is just as important as the last position, no different. People look to "third base" the last player, to somehow pull the table through with some miraculous play they pulled out of Scarne's Magic Book of Miraculous Blackjack Moves.

But no one blames the first base player that took the hit on the 15 when the dealer's sitting on a 6. When the last player hits his 12 with a 10 and I pull a 3 on my 16 instead of busting, well that was two tens in a row, which I would have received, yet everyone's pissed at the poor guy in the last spot. "Whydja hit that man? That was his bust card dude."

As the dealer I'm stuck trying to pry the other players off the poor guy and keeping him alive long enough to make a few bucks off him then throw him back to the players to do what they want with him. It's a big desert. I've had to stop the game and show the others how twelve hands back the last guy that left the table took a three and that changed all the cards for the next ten years.

It's difficult to teach everyone the game while you have only a few minutes with him or her, and they only have a few minutes left to visit with their money too. So the best you can do is remind them each time they're about to make a big mistake.

This usually helps the situation on a limited basis, but it does help in bolstering the confidence the other players have in the dealer in that he is doing the best he can to help everyone else's situation and thus make himself a few more bucks than he might have by helping another player to at least win his hands and inevitably toke the dealers.

Crap dealers do the same thing for individual players but only the Blackjack dealers can help their whole table overcome the casino's odds to beat his employer out of their own money they may have had earmarked for a new microwave for the break room or a 25 cent raise for all the dealers, or if I die first which will more likely happen.

Now comes the part where the experienced players can make a sandwich or use the facilities while I go over the simple way to play the game. There's not much to remember so listen up. Since there are sequenced cards up to the tens, then four of the same value cards, you have to always assume that of all the possibilities of what my face-down card could be, a 10 value card is the most likely of all, so assume the face-down card is a 10. If my face-up card is a 7 or higher, I probably won't have to hit my hand since most casinos do hit on soft 17's, so assuming I do have a 10 under, you'll have to beat my 17 or better.

If you have a total of 12-16 you're going to be beat most of the time anyways if I show a 7 through Ace, so hit the hand in those situations. With one exception, don't hit a 16 into a 7. If I have a 3, 4, 5 or 6 showing, always stay with a 12 or better. It's more likely if you leave well enough alone, I'll bust my hand and the whole table will win, and you'll live a little longer.

That's it, that's all you have to remember. Now to throw the simple rule of thumb in doubling down. Leave a margin of 2 numbers between your cards and mine. In other words, double on 11 if I'm showing a 9 or less, double on a 10 if I'm showing an 8 or less, double on 9 if I'm showing a 7 or less, very simple huh? On splitting, ALWAYS SPLIT ACES, NEVER SPLIT 10'S, split 9's into an 8 or 9. Split 8's into anything but a 10. Split 7's into a 2-7. Never split 6's or less to be safe.

That's all there is. Read the last paragraph over a couple times, print it out of you want and take it to the tables if you need to. Practice at home is the best way to learn how to play better and more consistent.

The stories are always the same, from Atlantic City to Las Vegas, everyone has sat on a table where some guy split 10's and everyone lost. Somebody always has enough drinks to try it once. And if you're at the table alone and decide that last Corona gave you just enough guts to split those Kings against the dealers' 6, and that's not a bad play if you're a gambler, and the one time you do it you'll either be convinced of what I'm telling you to never do it, or you'll win and some guy will paint you a new tattoo on your face when you try the same thing at 8:00 on a Saturday night on the Strip when you have a $5 bet on the line and some other guy's got a $50 bet on a twenty and the dealer pulls a 21 and has to point at you and say "KILL!!"

Last Friday night I had a double-deck game, $25 minimum bet and the table was dancing'. I came in with $9,000 in green ($25 's) and $18,000 in black ($100 's). I realized out of the six players I had, four of them were seasoned, but the other two that had just joined had the IQ of a brick.

They were having fun, drinking and gambling, but the other four players got real nervous real quick. They were tipping pretty well, but now I was in jeopardy of losing the good players to these two idiots. When the one guy flipped over two 6's against my 9 showing, and said out loud "I'm gonna try doubling down one time." and put up another $50 on a stupid move like that, I stopped the game." Look pal, it's your fifty, but if you wanna double down on a 12 against my 9, let me know so I can call my floor man first, so he can get in touch with the shift boss, so he can alert security guards, and they can alert surveillance to tape the game and zoom in on the hand and record this, uh…so you still wanna double?"

"Shit, if you put it that way, never mind, you don't have to call Washington D.C. and wake up the President to let him know I wanna double down, just let me take my $50 back will ya?" then I turn to the other players who are cracking up on the outside, but sweating this guy on the inside.

"You guys ok with that?"

"Yah "

"Yup"

"Go ahead"

"I agree, give it back to him."

I push the green chips back to him along with the two 6's; he picks up the cards and scratches with them while assuring himself "this right?" I flip over an 8 and he slips the two 6's under his bet, I flip the bottom card face up with my face-up card and sure enough it's a 4, and I hit the 13 with a Queen instead of the 8 that I gave him which would have given me 21 and bust.

The table picked up a couple hundred bucks with that move, and every hand after that I had at least one or two $5 bets up on each hand for a tip. When I left my tray was shorter by $2,600, but my toke box sure had a nice ring to it when the tokes hit the top and I had to put another toke box on the game to handle all the tips.

Lighten up, have a good time, but realize that Blackjack is a team game; you have to play with the other players in mind or wait until it's real late and go play by yourself if you can't handle the idea of team play.

And if you find yourself playing more than once a week...GET A LIFE!!

-Ken Pearlman