The Las Vegas Dealer

I am waiting to meet a beautiful 20-year old who can name all four Beatles, and an extra $100 if she can name the fifth Beatle.
I am waiting for Paul McCartney to finally admit he got the name "Beatles" from Lee Marvin's gang in "The Wild One".
I am waiting to meet a beautiful 20 year old, I'll give her $100 and forget the Beatles altogether.
I am waiting for a casino to give me my money back.
I am waiting for the Chicken Ranch to call me about that free weekend I won.
I am waiting for the Chicken Ranch to call me about anything.
I am waiting for Madonna to call me for a date on Friday so I can say, "Sorry hon, I'm tied up Friday, but I'll be glad to tie you up on Saturday".
I am waiting for Santa to dump the reindeer and buy himself something with a hemi.
I am waiting for the military to relocate the aliens to Las Vegas for a huge new themed hotel called Area 51 thru 67.
I am waiting for man to grow wings so they'd quit jumping off the hotel roofs when they lose.
I am waiting for someone to Free Willy, then they could free Direct-TV and Pay-Per-View as well as the Tuesday night Celine Dion show.
I am waiting for Seinfeld to make a comeback so I could watch some good TV again.
I am waiting to find out which car is my boss's.
I am waiting to find out which house is my boss's.
I am waiting to find out who the fuck my boss is.
I am waiting to cut a piano down to 8 keys so I could learn how to play.
I am waiting for Woody Allen to make Bananas II, Annie Hall II, Radio Days II, Manhattan II, and Play It Again and Again and Again Sam II.
I am waiting to catch Osama by putting his picture on Time magazine then catch him at the local Pakistan 7-11 when he shows up to buy his copy.
I am waiting for Alex Tribek to divorce his wife when she fails to ask for sex in the form of a question.
I am waiting for someone to respect Cartman's authority, and I'm sure he's getting a little impatient also… I wouldn't want to upset him.
I am waiting for the art community to respectfully change Vincent Van Gogh's name to Vinnie Van Go, so he would sound more contemporary and we could all pronounce his name the same way.
I am waiting for scientists to change the battery on the worlds' Atomic Clock; it keeps losing 1/1,000,000,000,000,000th of a second every 300 years and the time change is driving me nuts.
I am waiting to collect on the bet that says Saturday Night Live goes off the air BEFORE the Cubs win the World Series. But frankly, I don't think I'll live long enough to see either happen.
I am waiting for Mayor Goodman to realize he can make more money selling Beefeater Vodka than being mayor and finally show up at all the city meetings in one of those red Beefeater uniforms with the big top hat and spear, speaking in an English accent.
I am waiting for all the TV stations to quit putting their goddamn logo on the bottom right side of the screen. It bugs the shit out of me and I couldn't give a shit less what channel I'm watching.
I am waiting for the TV advertisers to realize the more commercials they put on the less likely I am to buy their product since most commercials just get on my nerves anyway. Oh yeah, and quit using all those good '60s songs in your adds, they just ruin the good memories and for all the money you're paying these ad people, can't they come up with something original? It's a sin to take a great old Beatles song and try to sell shit-stained diapers with it.
I am waiting for Las Vegas to celebrate New Years Eve on Dec. 30th to fool the terrorists (the lines would be shorter too.)
I am waiting for the Army to land their Apache helicopters on the strip and jump out and PARTY!!!