The Las Vegas Dealer

It's a rarity that I get this chance; a newcomer to town. Through my column, I received an e-mail that led to a phone call to a couple from Lincoln, Nebraska that has NEVER been to Las Vegas, never even been west of the Rocky Mountains. I promised them dinner if they would put up with my mini tape recorder and I'd take them wherever they wanted to see and not influence them at all. I just wanted a new perspective on Las Vegas from someone that's never been here.

My first question was: "What have you seen on TV or in the movies about Las Vegas?"

She answered, "I usually get home from work then watch my soaps I record all day and usually by the time I'm done with those, I'm ready for bed so I don't watch much night time TV and the movies are depressing. I remember that Leaving Las Vegas movie that was so depressing we walked out and the only other one I remember is that Sinatra movie."

"Oh, Denise that's beautiful, so you've never watched the Ceasars Palace show 24/7, or the endless Discovery Channel semi-documentaries about Las Vegas, as though they could define it in an hour. This is just what I wanted."

So Denise and Alan, her husband of 23 years, flew out of Lincoln last weekend. I met them at the gate, flowers for Denise, a Las Vegas ball cap for Alan. (Yes, I AM a big spender; the flowers set me back $3.99 alone!!) We got along great since all three of us were Cubs fans, so there was much to discuss. Their first words were how amazing the few buildings they saw flying over the city were. They couldn't get over the Luxor. I'm surprised, I thought. They're all different, but most of them look pretty much alike from the air except the big pyramid. Denise was a little overwhelmed but like I told her, "This is 3 pm. Wait until it gets dark and the lights come on."

They were staying at the Tropicana, where I haven't been in probably 10 years. We arrived at the room and the view was facing the strip and the mountains.

"Are they higher than the Sears Tower?" Denise asked.

"The mountains are a little higher, not by much, but they ARE real mountains, not built by Las Vegas."

I asked what their plans were and they weren't sure what to do. I didn't want to influence them, but I also didn't want them broke before morning so I just gave them a general idea of what costs what here and when they started getting a little choked up since they've always heard Las Vegas was a cheap town to eat and drink in.

"Well, that was true until the turn of the century, then the prices started cre- eping up and up. There are plenty of alternatives but you'll have to look to find them."

Then all I told them was the farther north they get on the Strip, the lower they'll find the prices, but there are plenty of reasonably-priced restaurants almost everywhere. It's pretty much, the more expensive-looking the place and the more expensive their retail shops, the more expensive their food and drink are. We walked down to the casino and Alan played some Blackjack. I could tell by the first hand he'd never played casino style before as he picked up both cards on a face-up game and held them like a poker hand with both hands.

"Jeez Al, just put the cards back man, that's why she put them face up on the table." The dealer laughed and spread the cards face up again.

"Oh man, I've only played where they give you the cards."

"Alright, there are face-down games but you have to look before you sit down and don't forget to check the limit signs. If they pitch the cards to you face down, then you can pick them up with one hand only. But if they lay them out face up, then just point if you want another card or wave it off if you want to stand."

But he was already eyeing the craps table as I was talking. They played a few hands, then we went to the craps table. I explained the game to him as simply as I could, but he was more drawn by the loud crowd around the game and didn't listen to anything I told him. When he started playing, I took Denise to the poker room. She admitted that she loved to watch poker on TV and knew how to play Texas Hold Em, or so she thought. But that's how you learn how to gamble. It's a learning process hopefully; the more you play the better you should get if you're paying attention. We played a few hours and when it got dark they were ready to see the town.

"I want to see the pyramid, " Denise said.

"Well that's across the street, sort of. " We decided to walk over to the Luxor. When we arrived at the Excalibur, the tram to the Luxor wasn't working, so we'd have to walk. But the moving walkway wasn't working either. Then the escalator was closed, so by the time we hit the Luxor they admitted it was a lot longer walk than it looks. But they were really taken by the Luxor. They'd seen it on TV once but wasn't sure what they were seeing.

"Ok you guys, I said, "you're halfway between the Mandalay Bay and the Excalibur. Past that is New York, New York and across from that are the MGM Grand and the Monte Carlo. Then, if you keep walking you'll get to the Bellagio and Caesar's Palace. The Paris casino, Bally's and Aladdin are up there too, so take your time and remember there are cabs and busses, the monorail and trams between hotels, so if you're tired of walking there's plenty of transportation. If you don't want to spend a lot of money, just keep on walking and you're bound to find something in your price range whether it's food or just tourist stuff like t-shirts and hats."

I told them I'd meet them the next day to go over the tape and we'd see where we stood. I wasn't too surprised at what I heard that next day. Denise did most of the talking on the tape:

"We walked around the Luxor; it's such a pretty hotel at night. We walked out to the pool to see the outside and can't figure out how they make that light on top, it's like a big spotlight but it goes up as far as I could see and the hotel itself is pitch black and either blocks out everything or reflects the stars; either way it's pretty spectacular. Alan can't figure out how they built it, but like I told him, they're still trying to figure out how they built the pyramids in Egypt! We walked back in and we went down to the museum and saw the kings chambers and the crypt room with all the King Tut's stuff. It's pretty impressive, even though I know it's all a re-creation, but they did a great job of it with all the detailing. Then we went upstairs and ate at the buffet which wasn't bad at all, there's just so much food and it was under $20 which is cheap for all that food.

Alan wanted to see the Jet Pilot movie at the I-Max Theater which was also around $20 a ticket, but the movie was so cool it was making us dizzy. The huge I-Max screen and it was like being in a real fighter jet. But after a while I had to close my eyes because I though I might get sick. Then we walked around some more and decided to check out the Mandalay Bay. It's really huge, it has a House of Blues Club like the one we went to in Chicago but it was too much to get in to listen to some head-banging music, so we just walked around to the lounge where they had a band playing. We had a couple of drinks but they were pretty expensive at $7.50 for a mixed drink and the band started to get on our nerves. They were just doing like disco or rap or something, I don't know, it just wasn't our type of music. The restaurants are beautiful; kind of expensive but the food's probably really good for the prices they charge."

(Poor child, I thought, they think the prices reflect the quality in Las Vegas, poor tourists). She continued, "But by then it was 10 o'clock and we were already tired from the trip so, we'll go back to the hotel and see the rest tomorrow."

Then Denise came back with, "We just got back to the Tropicana from Mandalay Bay and it's a long walk when you're tired. There's a tram that runs from here to the Luxor and Excalibur, they tell me they're all owned by the MGM company but the tram didn't work to any of the hotels, the up escalators didn't work nor did the walking sidewalk so I don't know why they're all not working at the same time, but we walked out of the Excalibur and again had to walk up the stairs to take the overhead walkway, since that wasn't working either. I just dont understand why they didn't keep it up since they have so much money to throw around and it just looks so bad and we're not going to make that walk again with no escalators or trams working. And they have the nerve to charge $189 a night for a lousy room but can't fix a goddamn escalator! But the Tropicana's nice. It's not too big and has a really nice pool with a water fall and spa and birds and stuff."

They had only gambled a little that night and didn't lose more than $25 for the whole day. Denise carried the recorder so most of this is in her words:

"Last night we decided to eat somewhere nice so we went to the MGM. I swear we walked for a half hour before we found all the restaurants. There must be twenty places to eat here. I like the place but it's so damn big. Alan hates this place after he played a couple of hands of Blackjack. The dealer was some Asian girl that was just cold and wouldn't smile or talk. Like he says, "If I'm going to be forced to bet $15 when all I was looking for was a $5 table, then the dealers should try to be nice or at least smile or say thank you. I lost almost $50 and I still gave her a $3 tip and she just put it in the box and kept dealing and never said thank you. Then I asked her where the $5 tables were and she smiled sarcastically and said "I don't know" So I asked her who could I ask and she just shrugged her shoulders, the bitch. I want my $3 back!"

Alan said and he was pissed off. "Then we went to the Mesa Grill that I heard of on TV. But I wasn't ready for those prices for a Mexican restaurant. I don't know what Alan had but it was $26 and there was nothing there but some fancy sauces and toppings. He ate the food in three bites and he's not a big guy, but he was still hungry. We told the waitress it wasn't much food and she suggested that the buffets in town offer plenty of everything. I know she was being sarcastic but like Alan said, "Ya know what? you're right, next time we want to eat out we'll just hit a real cheap buffet rather than come here again, after all, there's more food and it's probably better."

When I heard the tape I could hear the conversation and that's just about exactly how the conversation went. Although it sounded like the waitress was trying to be nice but it did come off a bit pretentious. Now a word here before we go on. I thought it was sounding like either these people might just be cheap or didn't have a lot of money with them or if they were just regular midwestern blue collar workers like me that just can't afford a $15 a hand BJ table or a $26 Chili Relleno that costs less than a dollar in a grocery store, put some goat cheese in it with sauce and you're up to $5 maybe. But it does tend to hit you over and over that Las Vegas can sometimes seem like a bunch of greedy mothers with one hand out and the other one trying to pick your pockets at the same time.

"We walked over to Studio 54 and paid the $20 to get in. It's a cool place for a while but it's so loud that you can't possibly carry on a conversation and I hate that kind of head-banging music. But then I guess they're not there to talk. But the drinks were pretty expensive. We both had Mai Tais and the bill came to $17 and that doesn't include the tip. So we sucked on them and danced for a couple hours and dropped $60 for three dances and a couple of drinks. By the time we walked out we couldn't hear. So we walked over to New York New York and I love this place. First we walked over the Brooklyn Bridge and saw the Statue of Liberty and the fire boats spewing water, and the buildings are so cool. But the roller coaster in front of the place is silly looking and ruins the effect. They should have put it in back somewhere because it just detracts from the looks of the place and just doesn't belong in Las Vegas I guess.

"But we went inside and it's fun to stroll around the old New York town with the miniature streets and apartments and the deli and pizza place. They really took the time to make it look authentic with fire escapes and mini window air conditioners, even down to the sewers that spew steam from the floor just like you'd see in New York in the winter. We should have eaten here instead of that Mesa Grill place, oh I hated that place. But Alan still ordered a chopped liver sandwich which was just OK but he was in heaven when they said they made real chocolate egg creams. Then there are trees inside and it's pretty cool. We bought a couple of things and they had a band playing in the lounge that was good, so we stayed a while so Alan could rest and the drinks were only $3.50.

"I think the best of all and the biggest surprise was the Bellagio. It was probably around 11:00 and we were just looking at the lake before we went in. The sidewalk with the trees and pretty lights and the stunning view of a big lake reminded us of Europe when all of a sudden the water started shooting up to an opera tune and they were timed to dance with the songs. I was just amazed at how high the water shoots just when the singer hits a high note, and there right across the street is the Eiffel Tower! Who thought of all of this? But it's the inside of the Bellagio that really takes my breath away. The glass sculptures at the entrance are just incredible, and the walk into the atrium with all the beautiful flowers that I thought for sure were plastic until I touched one and smelled the roses. I think it's wonderful that someone actually took the space that most casinos would put slot machines in and instead they put a place right there in the middle of the Strip where you can get away like being in another world. With the beautiful stores and restaurants where we splurged and ate dinner at the Picasso restaurant which I have to say is the most beautiful restaurant I think I've ever eaten at. There are actual Picasso paintings and drawings; the food is to die for.

"You pay one price for dinner and it starts with a choice of appetizers then to the entree. I had the Filet Mignon, then they bring a cart of deserts to the table, I just can't say enough. The problem now was how could they top the Bellagio? The answer is they really can't. Caesar's Palace is beautiful but there are so many slot machines. The Forum Shops mall is really nice but pricey and it's the first time I've ever seen an escalator that winds like a winding staircase.

"It's our last day and I'm ready to head home. We went to the Mirage to see the volcano which was wonderful, and then on to the Treasure Island where they have the outdoor show, which we both thought was a waste of a lot of money. Then we crossed the street to the Venetian which is just jaw dropping when you walk into the main entrance. It's just gawdy with gold and marble everywhere, the paintings are really nice but it kind of looks like wallpaper from a high-priced whore house. I thought the retail stores with the gondola boats and people singing Italian songs are nice but a bit too much. I just liked sitting outside and people watching in a knock-off of different parts of Italy. We walked to the Wynn casino but spent only a short time there, I wasn't real impressed with the place. Where did they spend over $2 billion dollars? The casino is kind of plain and there's nothing very impressive about the place."

This is where I stepped in to pick them up and take them to the airport and go over their trip. The only question I asked was, "What do you think of all this?" And their answers were both agreeable.

"Las Vegas is like another world. They've spent so much money I can't imagine what else could have been done with all those billions of dollars like building schools and hospitals, hell they probably could have cured Aids or cancer with all that money. It's just a sensory overload with all the neon lights and everything is done to excess. But I have to say we really did love it and we didn't even get downtown or farther than the Wynn casino. We've vacationed in Europe, we've gone to Orlando and the Bahamas, all are unique but Las Vegas really takes the cake."

This is when I reminded them that Las Vegas just broke the Guiness Book record for the largest cake for their centennial celebration. And good old Sara Lee told our Mayor Goodman that they would donate all the flower and eggs and icing, all free so the money could be donated to good causes, then they sent us a bill for $110,000 but settled for $95,000 (!!!), which came out of our tax funds, and I didn't even get a piece! We said our goodbys and I asked when I'd see them again.