Not too long ago, I found myself at the double-deck game Blackjack game at a local brick-and-mortar casino, in order to try a new "trick of the trade". Normally, I wouldn't go within ten feet of this table because the rules suck, the penetration sucks and it's just a lousy game, but I needed a game where the shuffle would occur on a fairly frequent basis and we don't have any single-deck games in this area. (Yes, this is a clue that a new "GameMaster's Secret" is in the works, but that's another story for another time.) Anyway, this game requires a $25 minimum bet, so you might think that those who play it are fairly savvy. You would be wrong in that assumption.

When I sat down, two other people were playing and I'll call one "Almost-Basic-Strategy Man" (ABM) and the other, "Cards-in-Order Woman" (COW). Other players came and went, and I'll deal with some of them in their turn, but for about an hour, I sat there and listened to ABM and COW spout tons of real Blackjack wisdom, offered in the spirit of helping a dummy (that would be me) learn to play this game.

First of all, they quickly let me know that Blackjack is a team sport and we could all do very well, indeed, if we each made the "right" moves. For example, if no player hit his or her hand ahead of the dealer, we were almost certain to lose. But, if you hit your hand at the "wrong" time, we were virtually guaranteed to lose. Cards-in-Order Woman had that whole scene down to a science and she could play each hand perfectly, as soon as it was finished.

How do people come up with this crap? Tens follow tens. You got my card. You took the dealer's bust card. You got a 2 on your doubled 11 because you didn't get your card ("Whose card did I get?" I asked her and that set off a brief explanation of how ABM caused it because he hit A-6 against a dealer's 7; the 10 he caught was "my" card.)

Then, the "dummy" (yep, it's still me) splits a pair of 9s against a dealer's 6.

"Isn't 18 good enough?" inquired COW.

"Not against a 6", says I.

"He might be right on that play", said ABM without any conviction. "The mathematics are there, on that play."

"I'm not sure all that 'mathematics' stuff is right all the time," retorts COW.

Me, under my breath: "Quite obvious."

They, the experienced ones, never, ever doubled an 11 against a dealer's 10, but because you may double only on 9, 10 and 11 at this game, they doubled 9, 10 or 11 against everything else! Ten against 10? Sure, why not? 10 against an Ace, after the dealer 'peeked'? Certainly! ("Well, you know the dealer doesn't have a blackjack.") And why not a 9 against an 8? They didn't want to win those hands; they just wanted to double. But not if I caught a 10 ahead of them. ("But I thought that 10s follow 10s?") Not if you're doubling.

The COW had a rule and an exception to that rule for every situation, and an explanation for every hand she lost, although not one hand was lost because of how she played it; it was lost by how everyone else played theirs. Talk about denial!

At one point we were joined by "Hit Man" (HM). Hit that 10 against a dealer's 3. Hit that 13 against a dealer's 5. But don't you dare hit that 16 against a dealer's 7! Well, that just drove the COW crazy, but HM was a big guy, so she said nothing. That doesn't mean she didn't hiss or express disapproval through her body language (slap your chips, shake your head). HM was at "third base", so he naturally held our collective fates in his hands and both ABM and COW were visibly nervous. The COW finally had to take a break, because HM was "costing" her. As you might suspect, HM didn't last very long (I mean, what did he expect to happen at a $25 table with a hundred bucks?).

As soon as he left, COW came back. "You'd think that people would learn how to play the game before they sit down at a $25 table," she stated.

"You are so right", I said. It went right over her head.

Then we were joined by the "Caribbean Stud" (CS). This guy had won $600 or so at the Caribbean Stud game, so a "tonight's my night" atmosphere enveloped him. In all fairness, he wasn't a bad Blackjack player, but it was his intimate knowledge of "professional Blackjack players" that enthralled me.

"Lotsa 'big' players hit this game for big money, " CS explained to me. "I'm not talking about these college kids who come in here to win a few bucks," he continued, "but real pros who know this game inside and out. This is a great game, if you know how to play it."

Just so you know, the six-deck game at this casino has an edge of 0.56% and the double-deck game has an edge of 0.65%, with about 50% penetration. You are actually better off playing the six-decker where you can get 75-80% penetration than you are playing the double-deck game. Oh, I'm absolutely sure that tons of pros play this game. I didn't tell him that.

My mission was accomplished and, finding myself ahead by $50 or so, thought it was best to leave, since I was choking on the words I wanted to say to all of them. But, as you may know, I always try to look like the "dummy", so I just wished them luck and went on my merry way. Ignorance truly is bliss.

I suppose you're wondering about the word "Iggy". That's what dealers call gamblers who haven't got a clue; it's short for ignoramus. Personally, I'm thankful for all the "Iggys" in the world, because if everyone did what I do, there wouldn't be any casinos.