TO HAVE AND HAVE NOT

PLAYER: Only one day left in Vegas and I'm already down to my last few bucks, time sure flys when you're having fun.
DEALER: Only one day left 'till the weekend, I better pick up my check, I'm down to my last few bucks, man time sure drags when you're working.

PLAYER: Well I gotta find a table to play, this dealer's not doing anything, let's just play here.
DEALER: God I hope this guy doesn't sit here, I don't feel like dealing.

PLAYER: Jeez, check this dealer's shirt out, wonder who picks out these stupid looking uniforms?
DEALER: Jeez, check this guy out, is that your dress t-shirt? wonder who dresses this guy? "HI! Howya doin'?"

PLAYER: "HI" (Well, at least this guy smiles. He seems pretty friendly. I hope this guy takes it easy on me)
DEALER: "HI" (God I hate being friendly all the time, I hope this guy doesn't think I'm gonna be easy on him.)

PLAYER: "Change a hundred please."( I can't spend any more than this but that's a lot of money to me.)
DEALER: "CHANGE ONE HUNDRED"(Is that all you got?, looks like this guy's last hundred)

PLAYER: "You gonna be nice to me?"
DEALER:"Sure" (You gonna tip me?)

PLAYER: "Do you dealers gamble? it would seem a lot of dealers would be gamblers:"
DEALER: "Well some dealers gamble, but I don't just 'cause I can't afford it." ( I ain't stupid enough to do this shit, and besides, you guys don't tip enough for me to EAT AND GAMBLE AT THE SAME TIME.)

PLAYER: "So where ya from dude,east coast?" (with his attitude,this guy's gotta be from New York City or somewhere.)
DEALER: "Close, I'm from Chicago" (DID HE CALL ME DUDE? This guy's gotta be from L.A.)

PLAYER: "I don't play much, I never know for sure when to hit or not"(I wonder if it's obvious)
DEALER: "I can see that", (it's obvious,you just hit 15 when I got a 6, this guy really needs help.)

PLAYER: "Two Aces, that's 2 or 12 right? you got a 5, so should I stay on 12, I got $50 on there, whaddya think?"
DEALER: "Two Aces, and I got a 5,probably split them" (pal, sirens should be going off, bells ringing, lights flashing, you need a loan to split those Aces, can I take the action on that hand?)

PLAYER: "You sure I should split those? that's a hundred bucks"
DEALER: "It's usually the play" (Yah split them, and kiss my ass if you don't tip me after this one), "Yah split them, good idea."

PLAYER: "So I need another fifty bucks? that's a lot of money"
DEALER: (Oh man, what an asshole, lemme go to the ATM, I'll take half the action), "Yah, but it's a good bet.Trust me on this one."

PLAYER: "OK, WOW, so a King on one and a nine on the other, that's good?"
DEALER: "Well, it's only ten and eleven, but I'll fix it for you." (Yup, I was right, he's gotta be from L.A.)

PLAYER: "WOW, that's a hundred bucks winner, thanks"
DEALER: "YAH,WOW", (well, kiss my ass,that's no tip on a hundred bucks winner, I was right, he's an asshole alright.)

PLAYER: "Don't you get bored dealing blackjack all day?"
DEALER: "Not when I deal to nice people" (know where I can find any?)

PLAYER: " Yah I hear ya, but it must be cool being able to deal these games, you sorta' get to play along"
DEALER: " Yah, and I never loose on this side either."( how would you like having a job where everyone you deal to has the day off, are out drinking, gambling, and partying all day while you're at work?)

PLAYER: "Well, which game do you think has the best odds?"
DEALER: "Well, blackjack and craps are the best." (ever try "no limit" tic-tac-toe?)

PLAYER: "Do you drink when you get off here?"
DEALER: "Nope" (after dealing to you, only a 357magnum would help)

PLAYER: "Well, I'm up $50, so I think I'll quit here." (takes out a dollar bill from his wallet and hands it to the dealer)
DEALER: "Thanks sport, you need change?" (where the hell's that 357magnum?)

PLAYER: "No, you keep it"
DEALER: "HERE, I GOT SOMETHING FOR YOU TOO" (floorman grabs the dealer's arm as he fishes for his gun)

FLOORMAN: (SLAPS DEALER ACROSS THE FACE) "Calm down man, you're only half way through the shift"
DEALER: "THANKS, I NEEDED THAT"(half way through the shift, WHERE THE HELL'S THAT GUN)

FLOORMAN: "No problem man, you need me, just whistle, you remember how to whistle don't ya, just put your lips together and SCREAM!!!"