PREVIEW: Our entourage drove to the south side of the city. From our car we could see armed guards posted at each intersection for blocks around.. We approached the window, our interpreter in tow just incase the lady behind the glass didn't speak English… Central Baghdad? Nope, just my annual quest to a White Sox night game on the south side of Chicago.

I had been out of the city for almost ten years at the time I had the offer of a free outing at Comisky Park. I'm a die hard Cubs fan but the idea of a "free" anything gets my juices flowing (you don't wanna get in the way of my juices). We took the Dan Ryan out to the south side. The game was a 4 p.m. start and still daylight. Getting there an hour before the game the place to hang out was Gillies pub. Squeezing into the bar was like Didtka trying to squeeze into my underwear. Ordering a beer out of turn is a big no no. Out here they just say "sorry man, go ahead" we all know there's always another beer and there ain't no such thing as last call in Nevada. But in Chicago before the game you order out of turn and the ten guys between you and the guy whose turn it was back away from the bar so's not to get in the line of fire like a John Wayne movie.

The scene was Comisky Park, home of the Chicago White Sox. It was the bottom of the seventh inning, a tense time on the south side of Chicago. It's the time when the White Sox decide to stop the sales of beer to the patrons. At the last out of the sixth inning, the life of the beer vendor is limited to merely seconds. F-16's are called in for air support and ground troops are sent in to recover any bodies (or body parts) that are left if the poor fella doesn't make it out of the grand stands.

Beer is ordered by the case during the fifth and sixth innings, but eventually within the hour it runs out and total chaos ensues. Often the Chicago Police are called on to keep the crowds from killing the opposing team for beating the Sox, a tough task but then the Chicago White Sox fans are used to seeing their team lose.

Often the Chicago Police are called on to keep the crowds from killing their own players since Chicago White Sox fans are used to killing their own guys who "make them lose." But then there's the opposing team who may be unaware of the impending doom of "Last Call" or the poor umpires who just didn't realize it was the bottom of the seventh.

The Chicago Police being their last line of defense are standing there doing nothing, but we all know they're just thinking about getting across the street to the bar after shift like everyone else. Last year when the Kansas City Royals came to Comisky Park to beat the Sox it was the first base coach that took the brunt of the anger of the Chicago crowd, weather it was the fact that the Royals were kicking Chicago ass in the bottom of the sixth that got the fans to attack, or weather they were trying to jump the beer guy and just missed and ran into the coach is still unclear.

But the other night when the Kansas City Royals came back to town they should have brought a couple cases of beer with the team mascot if for no other reason than just a peace offering to keep the fans quiet in the final three innings, but little did the umpires know coming into the game that they too need their own protection. I'm thinking now in the bottom of the seventh inning, instead of singing "Take Me Out To The Ballgame" from the stands, Anhauser-Busch should send the Clydesdales out with the Beer Wagon with the umpires standing on top of the cases of Bud singing "Give Peace A Chance" while throwing bottles of beer for a change AT THE FANS.

Then the last blow was dealt. Someone's bright idea in Chicago was to take the name Comisky Park which stood since it was originally built before 1920, and now changed the name to U.S. Cellular Park…that's right, I said Comisky Park had been bought by the U.S. Cellular company and changed the name to their own rather than keep the Chicago tradition that had stood for the last 85 years.

This had to be a move made by the one and only millionaire tag-team trash talkin' Reinsdorf and Krause. The two owners of one of the most successful basketball teams ever, and in one summer managed to take a 6 time NBA championship team to the very bottom of the league and keep them there for years. The only thing more embarrassing would be if the Tampa Bay Devil Rays were bought up by the Tampax company and changed the name of the park to Tampax Field, and re-name the team the Tampa Bay Tampons, which would only make perfect sense since whenever you deal with big corporations, there's always a string attached!!

So I guess I'll stay on the north side when I travel to the city, and I guess I'll stick with the places with the names that are easy to remember and recognize like BEER and POOL, FOOD and CIGARS and of course WRIGLEY.

-Ken Pearlman