I recently turned on one of the latest Las Vegas casino reality shows. I gotta tell you I hate reality shows. You couldn't get me to watch Survivor any more than you could get me to watch reruns of the Brady Bunch. The obvious reason why the whole thing works is a five letter word, MONEY. Why pay six main characters at a $1,000,000 plus an episode when they can get an almost freebie island somewhere in Belize for maybe $1,000 a week, embarrass people by making them eat bugs and the only guarantee they get if they get voted off is a free ride home. Hire a few cheap camera guys, and some guys to carry microphones. The Producer is the only guy that gets to eat real food and has air conditioning in his bungalow. The only bugs the crew has to eat are shrimp and oysters. An entire reality show costs less than a third-rate show and there's only one winner. The rest get to take home specimens of the bugs they ate.

Here comes Vegas. Talk about cheap reality shows, this is more like a Vegas show called the CAN-CAN-YOU BET YOU CAN, rather than PUKE ISLAND. A famous Hollywood producer (we'll call him Sam) was spending the weekend at Caesars. He never made it to Vegas much, no reason to, but this was a big awards show, so he dressed a couple of blondes and put on a tux, hopped into the Gulfstream and in less than an hour they were in Las Vegas. They made it to Vegas about two hours before they had to be at the awards, so they walked around having a cocktail. He was close to 75 and the girls weren't over 35 so they were getting looks from everyone and "Sam" was enjoying himself.

He was very rich but spent most of his time at home doing any business from his computer in his bedroom. When he wanted good food it would be ordered in. He wasn't cheap but with diabetes, it was easier to work at home. This would be his first vacation out of the house in over a year. He brought thousands of dollars, knowing he wouldn't live much longer so he wanted to just spend the money on himself and his girls. At the main bar, Sonny Turner gave Sam a big round of applause for his 75th birthday. He invited him on stage since Sam years ago was an entertainer before he became a producer. He got up on stage and did such a good job and had a great time. Sonny Turner was amazed. He had a bunch of women standing around him and now the camera that taped Sonny's shows were taping Sam. Then he started with the jokes and he probably remembered every skit from Abbot and Costello to Groucho Marx. Sonny told the camera guys to keep the camera on Sam. In the meantime Sonny called Paulie Esposito to come and catch this guy's set. Paulie was almost 70. Paulie knew of Sam from the old days and walked on stage and gave him a big hug. Then the other girls at the bar one by one gathered around him and Sonny. Two young girls were hugging and kissing on him until a fight broke out between them. Sam bought drinks for everyone in the house and now Paulie asked him back for next weekend: "Sammy, you can stay here; I got a beautiful suite for you."

The next weekend it wasn't just Paulie and Sam and a girl or two showing up, now there were hundreds hanging around the bar. And not just good-looking girls, but people like Danny Gans, David Brenner, headliners from all over town, even the production shows had people there. The show started at 10pm and Sammy couldn't do more than 3:30. But every week it was becoming a happening to be at the back bar at Caesars. It was the early 70's and the only reality shows on TV were stuff like Ed Sullivan and Jack Parr, but those weren't reality shows, they were entertainment shows. Back then there was another show taking place in Las Vegas called "The Lefty Rosenthal Show" from the Stardust. It was a bust; Lefty couldn't do much but tell stories, not even jokes, just stupid stories. Then dancing girls would come out and walk him off stage. Plenty of the city entertainers showed up for Lefty's show but it was just after the time the big lounge shows were burning out due to the money involved, they were on too late and most of them lasted just a few months.

But Jimmy Allen, one of the producers of the Carson show caught Sammy and Sonny on a weekend and was so taken by the duo that he wanted to sign them to a weekly hour-long show. After lining up some of the great talent left they figured out they had six weeks of shows and would see what would happen after that. Sammy and Sonny produced some great skit shows. Red Skelton and Jack Benny showed up unannounced and they couldn't get them off stage. Sinatra and Martin showed up one night after their show was over at 12am and by the time they sat down, there wasn't even standing places. Frank and Dean put on bum clothes and did a skit.

After six weeks Sammy was done. He was tired and didn't need the money or fame anymore but Caesars was making so much money from all the customers they offered Sammy anything he wanted to keep the show going. Two weeks later Sammy had his last show with the great entertainers, Bob Hope, Bing Crosby, Jimmy Stewart; the Rat Pack showed up except for Joey Bishop. Hollywood spent thousands setting up a TV show. One by one each entertainer did a skit or joke or impressions. Sammy loaded the Gulfstream (a jet almost twice the size of a Lear Jet. In a Lear Jet you have to bend over if you're over 5'6 to walk around and it only sits eight passengers. The Gulfstream (most noticeable by the swept up winglets at the end of the wings) was around $8 million then, around $12,000,000 nowadays. But with gold plated bathroom fixtures and seats big enough to make a bed out of them, it had a kitchen and office rooms if they wanted to take the space.

They begged Sam to do the show at least once every two months but as fate would have it, Sam never made it to the first show. The doctor said it was too much strain on his heart, but Sam loved the show and told Sonny Turner to keep the show going. For months Sonny kept the show going. The entertainers would show up as long as there was free transportation, a limo from the airport, a suite and dinner. Their pay was $500 so it wasn't the money they showed up for, it was the free exposure. And this was the beginning of the Las Vegas reality shows. But without Sammy, after a short while the entertainers returned to their roots. Sonny still does a show at the Rio, although most of the other entertainers were gone by then. Every once in a while a Debbie Reynolds and who's left of the Righteous Brothers, the Platters, the Drifters, etc., would show up.

Now days there are no more entertainers left to do these shows. The reality shows these days only cost them the charge of a cab ride and the coach fare of a cheap plane. For a favor, the TV producers throw in a couple extra bags of peanuts to make them feel like they were treated first class.

It was announced a couple of months before that a new reality show was being filmed at Caesars called Caesars 24/7. My buddy Esposito called me late one night to let me know about the show. The bosses along with some of the dancers and entertainers were in on the meeting, as was Paulie Esposito who was hired to take care of the party, the invitations, the advertisements and so on, but what they had to do first was make an interesting show. There were other casinos that were showing the back of the casinos. Most of them either failed or are failing.Why? Because they all do the same thing. The bartenders are always in their early 20s throwing bottles around (many of the bottles you see them throwing around are unfortunately colored plastic with labels stuck on in case two break and someone gets hurt) mix drinks, the cocktail waitresses, all fake tits and skinny asses (except at Caesars and the little joints) always serve drinks, the dealers always deal like they were at an audition so the Vegas reality show idea is quickly becoming a fast failure at least in Vegas.

Two new ones are slated for summer but one is almost ready to be pulled because it's not the best casino and the producers are looking for decor. The Caesars Show 24/7 is getting old already because, although I hate to tell you, most of the show is scripted. Two girls that ended in a fight over a guy who was trying to pick them both up turned out to be a staged act. The two girls were seen an hour later having drinks at the bar and the guy was gone. The guy, who was the size of a wrestler and could have easily broken up the fight, let the two of them fight it out until the hotel security finally showed up. It took almost five minutes for security to show up. That for sure was a set up. They could cross the entire casino in a couple of minutes but come on, how exciting is a two-minute girl fight if no clothes are removed?

Another one to start in May is the opening of a night club (now there's a new idea in Vegas) at Wynn's resort (Is he really standing on the roof in the commercial in a box or superimposed?) The first one or two episodes should go fine as long as no one gets bounced which I'll bet anyone the first night of a new first class bar they'll be throwing people out left and right. Wynn doesn't want even a piece of paper on the floor so anyone out of line is out of the casino.

If you've seen the casino or even the commercial which doesn't do it justice will be floored. The burgundy color of the glass, the shape, I can't imagine the inside but there will be a lot of plants and waterfalls leaning towards the Mirage entrance but it will be much different. What I did read about it it's going to be an eye popper. But so will the prices. It'll cost you $5 just to ask where the bathroom is, and if your legs are squeezed together and you're jumping up and down then it'll be $10. Water at the water fountains will be a quarter a gulp (but I don't suggest drinking from the big fountains unless you're hungry for Koi fish. There have been plenty of offers to Wynn for a reality show but there's no way he's going to bring his hotel down to that low-life level.

So what's left for reality shows? Survivor is a burnout after all the years they're out of ideas so they re-hash the same stuff time after time (how many snails can anyone eat?) Put a bunch of people in a house so they can scream and bitch for a few episodes, that's old. Fear Factor was probably the only one I watched until I saw that everything that was done was done with safety ropes and harnesses and nets and there was really no way anyone could get hurt or they'd make more on a law suit than the show would make.

But it's not over; it's too cheap to film a reality show over something like CSI or Law and Order or the other shows with a lot of professional actors that demand millions for each episode. The great thing about the reality shows is all it costs them is lunch and a couple Pina Coladas with umbrellas and a sliver of lime.

-Ken Pearlman